The Wait is Over: Part One

You might remember this recent post about waiting for God's timing.

Well, the wait is over.  For now.

We've gotten the chance to share the news with some of our family and friends, and it is probably a good thing to process this development by sharing it further.

To begin, I guess I should back up a little.

A few months ago, I was suffering from a seriously overwhelming case of baby fever.  There were tears, there were hurt feelings, there was serious doubt.  Not pretty.  I had this sinking feeling - a fear, really - that I would be infertile and that if we waited, we would be too old to enjoy our children or grandchildren.

I still have those lingering fears, for sure.  I think parenthood will just replace those with other, more urgent fears.

While I was having this baby-panic-attack, everyone on FB was getting pregnant.  With twins.  And their third baby.  And so on.  A few friends of mine were very pregnant and getting close to their due date.  I felt like my womb was the only empty one and it would forever be barren.  Granted, I knew in my mind that we weren't (and aren't) ready for children.  That didn't stop my heart from hurting and trying to urge me on to motherhood.

Jealousy is not flattering, by the way.  I learned this the hard way.

At some point in my fervent prayers, I felt God was telling me that He wasn't punishing me - that instead, He was trying to prepare me for the difficulties of parenthood.  And then He gave me some very hard-hitting examples of just how difficult it can be.

Within the week I had this realization, a friend became a first-time mom to a beautiful baby.  She messaged me, asking me to pray for her because she was having a rough time - the sleep deprivation newborns bring, the constant worries - she wanted to be a perfect mom from day one and it was harder than it looked.  I told her that (from my understanding) practice makes perfect and that she was doing great.  But my heart broke to hear her so distraught at that happy time.

The very next day, a dear friend informed everyone through FB that her son was diagnosed with a terminal illness.  My heart just fell to pieces.  I sobbed, my husband held me.  I called my mom.  It seemed so unfair, but my friend had faith of many, many mustard seeds.  This young boy is now undergoing treatment in the very *first* clinical trials for any treatment for the disease.

As his mom said:  "It's got God's timing written all over it."

And God was using these hardships (of my friends, not even my own trials) to mold my heart and prepare my soul.  I had no idea what He had in store for me, but I felt so loved and at peace with the knowledge that He was preparing me to be a parent someday.

I began praying, "God, please, anything that is selfish in me, anything that will make me a bad parent, tear it away from me.  Rip it from my hands, take it from my life so that I will be the kind of mother that would honor You in her life."

And He did.

Continue this journey at The Wait is Over: Part Two.

Honey-Do-a-Whole-Lot

Sorry it's been so long!  We've been busy - in a good way!

With my work schedule, it's rare to get two consecutive days free from my job.  When that happens, we feel very blessed and usually try to squeeze in a lot of productivity - and a bit of relaxation! :)

Last Sunday, we made the afternoon all about fixing up our cozy little home.  I've been itching to rearrange our bedroom and put the bed on lifts for a while now.  Isn't it funny how you just can't stop re-organizing once you start?

This is what we finished last week:

Re-arranged our bedroom
Put bed on lifts
Moved nightstand to living room (really, it's a small round table that's perfect for my little reading chair!)
Moved shelving unit stacked on dresser to closet for shoe storage
Adding toilet paper storage to bathroom
Organized cabinet under kitchen sink
Hung aluminum foil and saran wrap in cabinet
Built storage box for ziploc bags in cabinet
Organized cabinets and coffee storage above kitchen sink
Temporarily relocated filing cabinet - future project in store!

We also ordered bar stools on Amazon (thanks to our Christmas Amazon gift cards, you guys ROCK!)  They just got delivered today, and I'm technically still at work (eating my dinner) so I haven't seen them yet.  I can't wait!!! We have a built-in bar on our countertop, and haven't been able to properly use it yet!

Moving the filing cabinet (and eventually tossing it!) freed up a little nook in our apartment - about 30 inches deep and 40 inches long, facing the living room.  Stephen has wanted a dedicated desk space to set up his computer, and we're almost ready to build our own desk into the wall!

Speaking of upcoming projects, here's a few on our to-do list:

Polish wood floor (this is that one that I keep telling myself I'll do....eventually....)
Build a standing workstation in our crazy nook
Adding spare towel storage to bathroom
Organizing under bathroom sink
Re-organizing kitchen storage - there has *got* to be a smarter way to store lids!!!
Adding shelves above self-built workstation
Adding mail/bills storage to walls near workstation
Eliminating file cabinet by transferring to boxes in closet.\
Re-organizing pantry
Creating spice storage with magnetic jars on the fridge
Creating a magnetic strip for utensil storage in the kitchen

Whew!  We have got a big to-do list but I'm really excited to knock out these projects ASAP!

What home improvement or organizational projects are you working on?  Any tips or hints to share?

Best Wishes,
Amanda

The Waiting Game

My very wise sister-in-law once reminded me that the Bible commands us most often to simply obey.  That's it - the most common command in the Bible.  It is not a command to honor your parents, to avoid lying, to wear your hair a certain way (although those first two are still pretty important, folks).

It is much simpler: Obey.  

One word with so much weight.

The Lord has brought me firmly into a season of waiting.  There is no shortcut, no way to go around this trial.  He has brought me to it, and He will bring me through it - eventually.  On His time, and most certainly not my own.  

Sorry if it seems I'm being vague here, but I'm not yet ready to share details.  I am still waiting on some answers myself, and I'm not interested in stirring up emotions until I am sure there is a definite need.  

When I pray, I ask God to give me eyes to see Him and a heart to listen to His will.  I ask big, huge things - like curing people of illness, or bringing change to a stubborn heart - because I believe that my God can do anything.  If I shy from asking Him for these monumental favors, then I am doubting His authority to grant them.  However - I always end with an acknowledgement that His will is better than my own, and His plan will glorify Him in ways I cannot imagine possible.  

And it has.  

This season of waiting has urged me to pray more frequently and more fervently.  Many times, I feel that prayer is the only thing I can actually accomplish.  When I feel trapped, I throw myself at my Lord's feet.  There is nowhere else to go.  I praise Him for drawing me nearer to Him, although my body protests in this life.  

Here are a few things I've learned in my prayers and reading during this time when I am adrift.  

1) My situation may change, but God never will.  He will continue to provide for me, to bless me, and to protect me.  His peace is sweeter in my uncertainty and His strength is greatest when I am unable to carry on myself.  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. - Hebrews 13:8 

2) Although I cannot understand where this road is leading me, He knows every step.  I can trust God blindly because He not only knows the way - He designed this path specifically for me.  My only command is to walk it with trust in Him and Him alone, or I will surely make a misstep.  He is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.  - Psalm 119:105.  

3) In this particular season, faith means going where I am called without understanding - and without question.  I may hesitate in this earthly body, but who am I to balk at God's plans for me?  Jesus said to Peter, "If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you?  You follow me!"  - John 21:22 

4) Faith is essential to surviving this trial.  I must not lost hope, I must not lose my nerve.  Whenever I feel weak, I can hear the doubt creep into my mind.  My aching heart cries out, "Why, God?!?!  Why me?!?!?  What did I do to make you take your blessing from me?"  This is *very* dangerous territory to tread.  Yes, my heart aches.  No, I do not understand why.  But how can I justify accusing God?  What proof do I have that He has taken His blessing from me?  For all I know, God could be sparing me grief and heartache that my faith, and thus my soul, would not withstand at this time.  I feel darkness encroaching when I cry out this way, and I reject it.  I will not allow myself to be swallowed by darkness again.  Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.  - Hebrews 11:1 

5) God has a great inheritance planned for me.  I may never receive the news that I long to hear - but I will receive a place in Heaven.  I will walk by faith into the land which God has prepared for me.  I do not know what it holds - richness or poverty, abundance or famine, health or plague.  But I know that God has knitted me together with His strength for this very purpose and I am honored to carry this weight.  By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going.  By faith he lived as an alien in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, fellow heirs of the same promise; for he was looking for the city which has foundations, whose architect and builder is God.  By faith even Sarah herself received ability to conceive, even beyond the proper time of life, since she considered Him faithful who had promised. - Hebrews 11:8-11

6) I am never alone in this wait.  I have nothing to fear.  Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous!  Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.  - Joshua 1:9 

What has God taught you by bringing you to a waiting room?  How have you drawn closer to Him in times of uncertainty?  

May God give you eyes to see His will, and a heart to hear it.  

Amanda

Kitchen Adventures: Taco Spice Blend

Big things are happening on this little blog, friends!

I submitted my Ras el Hanout recipe to The Spice House recipe collection and it was accepted!  View it here.  If you don't have a wide spice selection or don't use these spices regularly, The Spice House has a great Moroccan Spice Blend that Paige (from the Spice House) loves!

I'm so flattered to have anything of mine included in the Spice House collection.  Paige asked me if I had used anything special in my tacos, and since I *did* make my own spice blend...I'm going to share it with you now!

This blend replaces those taco-seasoning packets you can find at the grocery store.  Usually those are full of MSG or sodium.  Guess what?  You don't need sodium to enhance flavor if your spices pack their own punch!

Taco Seasoning:

2 tsp. chili powder
1.5 tsp paprika
1.5 tsp cumin
1 tsp onion powder
3/4 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp sea salt
(more than) a dash of cayenne.

My secret ingredient is...

baking cocoa!

I got some pretty awesome dutch-processed cocoa to make homemade hot cocoa, and I had a bit left over.  I added somewhere between 1/4 and 1/2 tsp.

Mix it up!  This blend makes enough for one pound of meat.  Use it the same way you'd use the seasoning packet - after browning, add with a bit of water and simmer the meat and spices in the skillet.

Nom nom for now,
Amanda

Kitchen Adventures: Hoppin' Jalapeno Pull-Apart Bread

I've done it, guys.

I've found the perfect hostess gift, the best bread for dinner parties, the "I'll bring this to Christmas at Grandma's" recipe.  

Hold on to your pants, 'cause it's a kicker! 

I've wanted to make a pull-apart bread since I-can't-remember ago.  Yesterday, I made tacos with homemade tortillas and I wanted to find a great appetizer for that meal.  And then the lightbulb went on - make the pull-apart bread and make it pretty!  

I found this recipe on the most adorable little blog - Developing a Pattern.  Yes, the recipe is two years old (which makes me feel silly for waiting so long to find and make it! 

This bread is soooooo yummy - cheesy, spicy, and melt-in-your-mouth gooey.  We tore off pieces by hand and dipped them in salsa - queso would do nicely, too.  Since it's made in a bundt pan, I used a ramekin to hold the salsa and placed it in the middle of the bread.  It looked so legit, guys.  Like I work for Food Network or something.

Food Network Realness

Here's the recipe:  

Bread:

4 cups white bread flour 

1 package active dry yeast (2.25 tsp)

2 heaping tsp salt

5 Tbsp EVOO (extra virgin olive oil, I won't spell that out every time, so....that's the abbreviation)

1.5 cups water

Spice Mix:

1/2 stick butter, melted

1/2 cup EVOO

1 Tbsp minced garlic

1.5 tsp cumin

1/2 tsp cayenne 

1/2 tsp paprika

1/2 tsp red pepper flakes 

1/2 tsp salt

1/4 tsp ground pepper 

Layers:

3 Tbsp diced jalapeno pepper

3/4 cup pepperjack cheese, shredded/grated

3/4 cup sharp cheddar cheese, shredded/grated

Before you begin, make sure you have warm kitchen.  If it's chilly, just preheat the oven to 475 F.  I know, it's a loooong time to preheat an oven through risings, but you need a warm kitchen for the yeast to be happy.  

***Note:  I always use gloves when handling hot peppers.  This isn't because of some horrific incident involving capsaicin, but because I get really tingly fingers for like, two days after contact with pepper oils.  Just...be careful, mmk?  Don't go touching just anything - try to avoid contamination with the oils. 

Combine the dry bread ingredients in the bowl of a stand mixer.  Using your bread hook, turn the mixer to its lowest speed setting.  Slowly add oil and water.  Continue to mix at lowest speed for about two minutes, or until dough forms a ball/binds together.  Turn the speed up one notch and mix for six minutes, or until dough becomes firm and just barely sticky to the touch.  

Turn the dough onto a floured surface and knead gently for about two minutes.  Form dough into a ball, place into an oiled bowl, and cover loosely with plastic wrap and a towel.  Let rise for one hour.  

While the dough is rising, you can prep the spice mix and the layering bits.  Just mix together all the spices with the oil and butter.  If you'd like, you can separate the cheese and jalapenos into thirds.  

Once the dough has risen, lightly punch it down (my favorite part!) into the bowl, and begin to pinch off small pieces.  I'd say about a tablespoon-ish size, but I made some larger than that to speed up the process.  Dunk the bread bites in the spice mix, and toss them into a bundt pan - no need to grease the pan.  Once you have a bottom layer down (about 1/3 of the dough), add 1/3 of the cheeses and jalapenos in a layer.  Add a second layer of dough, and then the cheeses and pepper, and repeat one more time.  The top layer should be cheese and peppers, and it will make the most *delicious* crust.  

Cover the pan and let rise for 45 minutes to one hour.  Place in the oven, and reduce the heat to 425 F.  Bake for 16-20 minutes, until bread is golden brown and cheese is gooey-crispy-awesome.  

Let the bread cool for 30 minutes before turning out onto a plate.  Serve with salsa or queso.  

Irresistible

What might you add to the layers in the bread?  Maybe some onions and other peppers?  Make it your own! 

Nom nom for now,

Amanda

Kitchen Adventures: Tortillas and Tacos

Are you feeling the chill today?  I know I certainly am!  We're past the winter solstice, the days are getting longer - but the real winter temperatures just now decided to show up!

We live less than one block from the Lake (Michigan), so when the wind blows off that frigid water, we definitely feel the bite of winter.  In weather like this, nothing warms me up better than some great spicy food - and my favorite Bears blanket, of course!

Today, I'm making a taco bar for me and the hubs.  I don't think I've made tacos yet in this kitchen, so I'm finally going to satisfy that craving!  It's been a while since I've cooked with beef, especially ground beef.  I'm usually making all sorts of chicken and veggies dishes these days.  Luckily, our grocer has an awesome meat and deli department.  All the fixings are only a short walk from my front door!

I discovered how much joy I get out of making bread last year while we were living with Stephen's parents.  There are few things more heart-warming than the smell of yeast and few sights more pleasing than a perfectly browned crust.  But bread-baking doesn't end there!  I've made pitas, tortillas, pull-apart loaves, no-knead Pyrex loaves, and more.

Tacos aren't really possible without tortillas.  I guess I could buy a pack from the store, but a lazy Saturday kind of begs for me to do some from-stratch cooking.  Check out my favorite recipe below!  (Credit to Chris Scheuer from http://thecafesucrefarine.com/)

Homemade Tortillas (Quick Rise Version)

3 cups flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1/3 cup vegetable oil (I used melted vegetable shortening)
1 cup warm water

*Combine the dry ingredients in the bowl of a stand mixer with a dough hook.  If you don't have stand mixer, prepare your arm muscles. :)
*Slowly add oil and water while continuing to mix (medium speed).  Mix for one minute, stopping several times to scrape down the sides of the bowl.  After the mixture comes together to form a ball, decrease speed to low.  Continue mixing for one minute until dough is smooth.  By hand:  Mix with wooden spoon until dough comes together in a ball.  Knead for 3-5 minutes, or until dough is smooth and elastic.
*Transfer dough to a well-floured surface.  Divide dough in half, and then halve again, and so on until you have 16 pieces.  Form each bit into a ball and flatten as much as possible with palms.  If dough is sticky, sprinkle a weensy bit of flour on the balls.
*Cover flattened dough with a tea towel for 15 minutes and let rise.
*After rest period, heat a skillet on medium-high heat.  Roll each piece of dough into a circle 6-7 inches in diameter, making sure to keep the rolling pin and surface floured.  Don't stack the rolled dough on each other or they will get soggy! :( (Tortillas should feel fairly thin, be gentle to avoid tearing!)
*When pan is hot, place one tortilla in the pan for about one minute - watch it carefully!  A few brown spots are ok as it cooks, but if it gets black or starts to burn, your heat is too high.  If it takes longer than a minute for the first side to cook, heat is too low.  Adjust accordingly.
*When bubbles begin to form and edges of tortilla start to firm and cook, flip tortilla over and cook for about 20-30 seconds more.
*Remove from pan, place in a container covered by a towel, or a ziploc bag to maintain temp and softness.

Tortillas can be frozen easily - just separate with parchment/wax paper before freezing in a heavy-duty bag.

I only had three left when I remembered to take a picture....oops!

These homemade tortillas are definitely a favorite - Stephen usually gobbles one (or two!) before I even finish baking the batch!  Start to finish, they take about 35-40 minutes to make - which is just enough time for my sous chef (read: husband) to cut veggies and brown the taco meat!

Stay warm out there, friends!  What comfort foods do you crave in the winter season?  I'm open to new recipes! :)

Nom nom for now,
Amanda

Kitchen Adventures: Tagines and Ras el Hanout

So, today was one of those days where I was determined to just get *everything* done.  I guess I wanted to start the year with a clean slate, and by gosh, there's no better day to begin than January 1st!

We had a great brunch with some awesome friends and then drove them home, and on our way back to the apartment, I had Stephen stop at a few places.  Ran some errands, made some returns and exchanges, and finally got rid of those annoying boot boxes that had been sitting in the living room for too long!  Shout out to Bed, Bath, and Beyond for replacing my broken mop without question or receipt!  What a treat!

Once we got home, I was itching to spend some quality time in the kitchen.  I mean, really - I cleaned everything last night, so...it's just begging for me to make a beautiful mess!

As I mentioned in our premiere post, my sister gave me a very thoughtful Christmas gift - a tagine!

My Lovely Tagine (and my slightly less lovely stovetop)

A tagine is an earthenware dish that originated in North Africa, specifically Morocco.  It is similar in concept to a crockpot or a dutch oven.  The dish is used over flame, stovetop, or sometimes in the oven with low heart for long cooking times.  Its conical shape is key to the chemistry of cooking for so many hours with such amazing results.  

When I first saw my tagine, I thought it looked a little like a conical flask.  Not surprisingly, it works the same way - by allowing evaporated moisture to collect at the top of the lid and re-condense onto the food in the bottom pan.  This re-wetting process maintains the moisture level in the food, and results in incredibly tender meats and veggies.  We're talking fall-right-off-the-bone tender.  

New Years call for new kitchen adventures, right?  I was determined to use the tagine today and created a really yummy dish - which I'll gladly share in a later post!

But before you can cook with a tagine, you really need to procure some Ras el hanout.  Ras el hanout is a Moroccan spice blend that can contain up to thirty different spices.  Whoa!  Talk about packing a punch!  The name translates literally from Arabic as "head of the shop" - its closest parallel is our phrase, "top-shelf".  Living in a very diverse neighborhood in the city, I knew I could easily find some ready-made ras el hanout - but where's the fun in that?  As you'll learn, I tend to prefer the from-scratch method when feasible.  

Doesn't it kind of look like a quilt on this plate?

I already had most of the spices I needed to make ras el hanout, and those which I lacked were commonplace enough to justify purchasing.  Plus, I have a lot of recipes in queue that call for some of the spices I picked up at (I'm kind of ashamed to admit this) Wal-Mart.  The only thing I didn't find that I wanted was saffron.  To be honest, saffron is so expensive and such a temperamental spice that I'm kind of glad I didn't splurge.  Note:  Most of the more obscure spices I had on hand (anise, cardamom, etc.) were bought from The Spice House.  I'm lucky enough to work near the physical store, and oh my goodness the fragrance in that shop!   

Here's the ras el hanout I created, customized by me and my unwillingness to buy/store all thirty spices:

1 Tbsp ground coriander

1 Tbsp ground ginger

2 tsp ground chili powder

2 tsp ground cinnamon

2 tsp ground cumin

2 tsp ground paprika

2 tsp ground black pepper

2 tsp ground turmeric

1.5 tsp ground cardamom*

1.5 tsp ground mace

1.5 tsp ground nutmeg

3/4 tsp ground anise seed*

3/4 tsp ground cayenne pepper

3/4 tsp ground fennel seed*

1/2 tsp ground cloves

1/2 tsp ground culinary-grade lavender buds* (ground from whole, then strained through a fine sieve)

Other optional additions:

Saffron**

Allspice

Orris root

Fenugreek

Bay Leaves

Rose petals (dried)

Grains of Paradise

Monk's pepper

Ash berries

*These spices I ground from whole myself with my mortar and pestle, although a spice mill would be much easier.  Hmm...you guys, my birthday is in February...

**Saffron may overpower the blend when added, so many dishes call for saffron to be added separately - this is what my tagine recipe specified.  I would recommend leaving it out of the blend, but it is called for in many Moroccan dishes, so it's good to have on hand! 

It's really simple - mix the spices together and store in an airtight container.  I recommend a canning jar or an actual spice jar.  You can find some great deals on bulk glassware from Specialty Bottle.

When you're ready to use the blend, I suggest toasting them slightly before adding to the dish.  Heat a small skillet on medium - when hot, add spices and stir/flip/swirl for no more than thirty seconds.  Use your nose to gauge the toasting - burnt spices are no good to anyone!  When it's ready you'll smell the aroma of the spices just starting to blossom; try not to eat it directly from the pan (it really does smell that good!). 

I can't wait to share the dish I prepared with these spices!  

For now: get into your kitchen and spice up your life, Posh!  

Ps - Most of these photos can be found in my Instagram - @moarpi34me Follow me!