In other words, we're having a baby!
You may be wondering why, at just a shade over 8.5 weeks, we decided to announce this happy news. Most people wait until that second trimester, right? Because by then, there's less chance of miscarriage or something going "wrong".
For those of you who don't know, we sadly had a miscarriage earlier this year at 6 weeks. We had decided to keep our little secret until closer to the ten-week mark (even from our families) and ended up having to tell people we *were* pregnant - but had lost our baby. It was hard, as losing a child you haven't yet met always will be.
But what made it worse was not being able to celebrate with those who cared for us.
We were so excited to have a baby - even though this was a lovely little surprise person! And because we waited, we didn't get to share our joy, surprise, and happiness that this new life had sparked deep within our hearts.
In some ways, to some people, this made our baby seem less real and thus less of a loss. This broke our hearts - for the misguided people who felt this, for our missing child, and for our unknown future. We spent a lot of time in prayer, asking God those hard questions that sear the throat on their way out.
Will we ever have a baby? Are we supposed to adopt instead?
Why?
Through our grief, we learned several things.
God is the Decider.
- We do not have control over our lives of the lives of our future children.
- Even this grief would serve a purpose in His kingdom.
- God will provide in order for His plan to reign.
So why tell you about this second pregnancy at 8.5 weeks?
It's not because of some scientific certainty that this baby will be a happy, healthy infant in our arms next year. It's not because we're foolish.
It's because this baby - this baby God is knitting inside me as you read this - is a gift. Even if we only have this gift for 9 weeks, 9 months, or 90 years - they are a creation of the Redeemer. And we ought to take joy in all His blessings!
We want our shameless elation to infect all of you - and to ignite in your hearts a deeper trust in the One who calls you by name.
You might be wondering what will happen if I miscarry again, and this baby also leaves us before we meet him or her. How will we deal with that, when we've already made our pregnancy public?
And to that, I say:
Do not fear. Do not worry. There is a greater purpose to this child's existence.
Our baby has already changed our lives. We hope that, no matter how long they are with us on this earth, they can help us create a safe space for anyone to heal, to help, and to take heart.
And of course, to spread joy.
All our love,
Stephen, Amanda, and Baby Colbert
Psalm 139:13 - For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
A Final Note: We fully respect each family’s wishes in announcing (or choosing not to announce) their pregnancy or struggles with pregnancy. This heartfelt message is in no way intended to diminish or demean other choices. Deciding to have a child, conceiving, bearing a child, and then raising that child is an incredible challenge. It is incredibly personal and a very sensitive topic to many, and we respect and honor that.
